I am feeling a little Christmas-sy this evening.
I headed down to the parish bookshop a few doors down and got myself a 5 CDs of Christmas hymns, songs and music in this spur of Christmas spirit that seems to have pervaded my office today. One of the newly purchased CD is already playing, with the music wafting and weaving its unmistakeable magic around the room.
This was a far cry from a few days ago, or even a week ago when I had the dubious honour to be hit with the blues that made the past days rather moody and lost. I was feelnig myself getting much more irritated easily and wished I could hit out at something. I managed to reined in my emotions and decided yesterday to take a bus-ride towards ECP and did a spot of roller blading. But the ride was tediously slow due to the traffic jams that occurred along the Paya Lebar Road toward Tg Katong. Coupled with the fear that it may rain along the way, as I saw the skies were cloudy, I was getting impatient and feeling frustrated as the minutes wore on. Thankfully I finally arrived my destintion and the skies cleared and I had my first full-fledged roller blading in two years. There is this feeling of the freedom of doing something out of the usual office or ministerial work...
Part of my moodiness lies in the fact that I have been doing much fire-fighting and problem solving with the ministries currently under my care. On the surface, everyone seems nice to everyone. But scratch a little deeper, the ugliness and bitterness of the reality of politicking in any ministry begin to show. But, by God's grace (it's the only way can see how), things are slowly being worked out. They just demand a little sacrifice to walk a little way off the comfort zone a bit.
Another reason for the moodiness is the realization that I have gotten another year older and wondering what good have I really done (my thanks to all who have given me the birthday wishes and greetings!). It is this good that Paul was beating himself over when he says that he wants to do the good that is called for in his life but ended up doing the bad instead. I can empathise with him on that.
But today, the curtain of gloom seems to have lifted up to reveal a picture of hope and freshness that takes one away from engaging in a seminar with the devil and to face the rubrics of happiness which God offers. Hence the Christmas mood of sorts. It is the reminder, once again, of how Godly power can be found in the weak, meek and lowly. Yes, it is difficult to flow with that when I am in a position that can force me to control and dictate the flow of events. Nonetheless, this is the way of the basin and
water the towel. It can also be the 'lonely' way which few dare to walk on...