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Friday, May 14, 2010

Fury In Your Words

From the Library of Congress: *TITLE: Thos. W....Image via Wikipedia
I understand a fury in your words.
But not the words.
Othello, Act 4, Scene 2

One of the main reasons for my silence here thus far has been the highwire tension I walk daily that continues to deal with the fury words can bring, which subjected me into a position where a malaise of sorts set in. It has been extremely difficult to pen something decent and meaningful in such situation when all you want to do is close your eyes and wish the day away to the next, only to find yourself going through the same thing again.

It has always been easy to create a bogeyman so that a blame can be put upon others and to justify one's vindictive action for the grievance or hurt caused (imagined or otherwise) upon oneself. Othello is a play which uses the backdrop of a Turkish invasion of Cyprus, a very public act, to explore a most private act, the jealousy of Othello as he suspects his wife of infidelity. In this scene from Othello, he blames his wife Desdemona for some crime which she did not commit and rants at her with such bile and anger, that she asks Othello to explain his reasons for such action.

It is in Othello's paranoia and the lack of listening, coupled with the need to start labelling others too quickly as evil or the enemy, which has been parallelling the conditions of living here in the parish which I am in. There are people saying too many things but no one is wanting to listen to anyone. Everyone of them are sure that they are right and that is final. The invectives and bile that are thrown around is done with great gusto, with nary a thought for the dignity of persons involved, making them worse than animals. The air of finality in all these does not seem to allow any room for change, dialogue or transformation sorely needed. Those accused seemed doomed to the pains of hell where the fires there never go out.

It is extremely difficult to have a decent conversation in a situation like this when every word or action of yours can be scrutinised and be labelled as a potential threat. To what, I don't know. But a threat nonetheless. So, I can feel for Desdemona who cannot figure out what in the world are all those shouting and screaming about, fast and furious in coming they may be.

Alas, what ignorant sin have I committed?
Othello, Act 4, Scene 2
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Anonymous said...

Hello Fr Aloy,

No wonder you have been so quiet. I have been through the 'hell' before. I even had a few people gather around me and accuse me with strong harsh words. Some parents even asked their children not to play with me. I am still going through it but things are getting much better for me now. The words hurt me alot, like a sword piercing through my heart. But, this 'hell' has helped me to value and appreciate even more the very few people who stand by me despite all the accusations and get me much closer to Jesus. I see and experience God's Love through them. I a1so began to gaze at the crucifix more often. I know I could not handle this alone. My faith increased because of it. I remember this wise priest comforted me during my confession by telling me,'The more you are misunderstood, the closer you are to Jesus'. Of course, I don't enjoy the accusations and hurt. I found comfort in those words and was touched with tears (By the way, I seldom cry.) I know God is at work. When I look back, I wonder how I survive those 'hell' for the past two years. I know it is not me but God and the very few loving people who stand by me. I also grow in the process. Last but not least, the crucifix has been the comfort to me as I know I am never alone when I choose to set my mind on God instead of on those hurtful words. I will never wallow into self pity when I compare my own hurt and wounds with Jesus'.

Anyway, towards those people who have hurt me, all I can do is to remind myself they are just as broken as me. Only the sick needs the physician which is why they are all in church too. Whatever comes out of their mouths expresses what is inside. In this way, I will not bear grudges. I will not be self righteous or judgemental. Just pray for them and allow God to work wonders.

I know it is tough on you. I often find God's words comforting whenever I reflect on His Word daily. I also find comfort in meditating and appreciating the crucifx in the main church. Sometimes, when I am too tired, I will allow myself to soak in the warmth of God in the adoration room, imagining myself at the beach and God's Love comes in the form of the sun to embrace me. If not, get out of the church and keep in touch with the nature and allow God to embrace me by being in the nature. No matter what, I know it can draining for you to deal with such issues in the long run.

No matter what, I believe some of us are with you in prayers. Will continue to pray for you. I really appreciate your presence in this parish. One thing comes to my mind. Look at the name of the parish. It means pure heart. It also means all of us are in the process of purifying our hearts so that our hearts may be as pure as Mary's. No matter what, Fr, all I want to say is a BIG 'Thank You' for being a father to all of us. You are never alone. We are all with you in prayers. 加油! (God will also keep on 加 more 油 in you daily too.) Life is short. Though it is our transition here before we meet God, enjoy the transition here too. Life is short. Enjoy!!

With Love,
God's child

Anonymous said...

hi fr aloy,

For a while, i thot you MIA .. (just joking lah!!! haaha!!)

anyway, i understand yr frusts and all the tensions.. dun worry i'm all behind you and yr work as a priests in IHM..

Pax christi
deus tecum

Sister Moon said...

Still keeping you in my prayers..

Anonymous said...

Dear Fr Aloy,

So sorry that you are having a "hell" of a time. You deserve better. God bless you.

With prayers,

Anonymous said...

God bless you Fr Aloy. You're such a peaceful and gentle soul, even the way you speak of the difficult situation you have been thrust into is so tactful! Keeping you in my prayers. Hope this situation won't dampen the fire and love you have for God's (very wilful and imperfect) people.

Anonymous said...

I share your pains and struggles because I am just as confused and frustrated as you are. God gave mankind 2 ears but unfortunately only one was used and in that process very unwise, unreasonable and irrational decisions were made which caused much pain, hurts and even tears to those who were unwilling victims. These victims seemed to be given the "death" sentence almost immediately. Jesus taught us to love and to forgive as many as 77 times, I dont see it in "Otello". The current tension helped me to take a step back and reflect on the happenings in our parish. We should pray even harder and stay closer to God during this time of crisis. Fr, be strong. I will pray for you as well as for our parish.

Anonymous said...

Dear Fr. Aloy,

Believe me there are many of us who appreciates and are proud to have you as one of our Catholic Priests.

Do not let the hurtful remarks and action hurt and defeat you. The road is long and difficult one but I have full confidence and faith that you, being a humble,knowledgeable and wise priest will never let these setbacks trouble you for long. As I may boldly say, You are not only a Priest, you are also a human, just like us, all flesh and blood so who is to judge!!

Though I dont belong to your Present Parish but I have been very fortunate to have attended many of your homilies in the Church where I go to.

You have once encouraged me with the word "Persevere in your faith, the Lord is Kind". It is because of this statement that I persevered and gain more confidence and definitely deepen my relationship with the Almighty Father.

Okay lah, Father dont let these ugly matters bother u too much ya.

Smile and relax.

No need to know who I am lah.

Too many names for you to rack out!!Ha!Ha!

Just another one who knows that you are important to journey with us ....

God Bless

Anonymous said...

It is comforting that you at least, are praying for the victims. Do persevere. God loves you very much.


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