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Saturday, June 23, 2007

Interim Time: Melancholic

It's very quiet around here in this Seminary, especially during their mid-term break...
I feel a little lonely sometimes with the lack of noise, people and the sights that I would be usually accustomed to when I was serving at the parish of Holy Family. Sometimes it can be rather unnerving to note that I am the only person moving about in the block with no one to care about me making any noise or movement. :-P

Anyway, it is the last days of my stay here in the Seminary and in Singapore, before I fly off to the other part of the world for my studies. Since staying here a while, I have been moving up and down, in and out of the Seminary to run some errands in relation to my preparation for studies. All this is really be a tiring affair.

There have been friends who have been generous to give me some help in alleviating my transport woes in bridging the gap between Ponggol and where I need to go. To them I am utterly grateful. Nonetheless, this whole affair of waiting and doing all this nitty-gritty items can be quite a chore and somewhat 'miserable'.

The thought of leaving family and friends, places and homes so familiar to me and to have to go off to a foreign place is all so frightening... I am still a little numb by all this. The thought of leaving hasn't hit me yet and am sure I would only react accordingly when I am there!

I guess the situation here now is what we would call 'melancholic'. I am getting all kinds of feelings that somewhat overwhelm me with many different flavours: excited, happy, sad, frightened, uncertain, ambivalent, anticipation.... I don't know what to feel anymore! :-P

Saying goodbyes also doesn't help and I have gone through a few leading to this week. Today was one with my aunt and uncle whom I had lunch with this afternoon. I spend some time there with their household members and I was a little sad because there is a strong chance that I may not be able to see my uncle again when I return as he is suffering from an incurable illness. There are also other people from the parish, who are in the same position, that I know and talked to who I may not be able to do so in two years time.

To leave in this state can be quite traumatic, to say the least.

Life carries on. I am not being stoical here, just practicing being a realist. This entry won't be the last one from Singapore before I leave. There will be another and there, I hope to close an era in this virtual log properly before I open a new entry from Rome. Till then, hold them tears first! :-D


mumbley said...

I think I know what you mean. You wonder if you're going to miss out on so much by not being where you feel you can contribute or feel secure in because it is familiar territory. There's a fear of what the future holds and whether you're going to lose something or things are just going to fly past and change before you can even blink.

I guess this is what is meant by being faithful to the Christ who saves and gives hope, no matter the situation; a going forth with only sandals and the clothes on your back - metaphorically speaking, of course.

It's the uncertainty sweeping into nearly every domain of your life that's unsettling you. Just stay focused on the Christ who calls you forth with his beauty and promise of fulfilment to come! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Hi Fr. Aloy :-), well wanna wish u all the best for ur studies,take care always..and we will keep u in our prayer..:-) Gonna miss u Fr.Aloy..have a good journey n Bon Voyage :-) God bless.


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